Battling the Blues

For over twenty years now, I have been dealing with chronic pain. It never goes away; I just have different degrees of discomfort. That’s another reason I want to eat healthier. Losing weight will help with the back pain, and cleaner eating will help ease the inflammation since I also have arthritis throughout my spine. When I chose to go off most of my pain meds, a former neurosurgeon and physical therapist warned I would tire easily without the extra help. However, I didn’t like waking up in a fog each morning after taking the meds. Some days I missed work because the pills made me so sleepy. One day after taking one of my tablets, I felt as though a volcano had erupted and that was the end of that. I do take meds on occasion, for the muscle spasms, and once in a while, I have to take an anti-nausea med when the pain is severe.

Chronic pain is one of the hardest battles I have faced, and I never know when it will flare and bring about additional discomfort. Two weeks ago, I had to go on bed rest for a week, but I thought I was on the mend. But yesterday, whew, yesterday was a rough one. The day started out okay, better than okay. My keto diet has given me new energy. After I finished my coffee, I did a load of laundry, hung that load out to dry and started another. Since I was running low on groceries, I decided to go to the store. Halfway through my shopping, the pain hit. It was so severe I couldn’t finish, and I had to find a place to rest. Once I arrived home, I only brought in the items that required refrigeration. After vomiting from the amount of pain, I took a bite of cottage cheese and swallowed my anti-nausea medication. Exhausted, I crawled into bed, and I stayed, even the last load of laundry from yesterday still remains in the washer. My laundry room is in the basement, and I just cannot do the stairs right now.

I know it sounds cheesy, but one way I have helped combat my depression is having a blessing jar. When I am in pain or when I am feeling depressed, I take out a piece of paper and write down one thing that I am thankful for or something that brings me joy. I fold the little square, so I can place it in my jar. However, before I add the slip of paper, I reach in and grab one of my notes to read. Yesterday’s note made me laugh hard and long, for it simply read, “I am so flippin joyful that I did not take my blessing jar and throw it at the wall because then I would have to clean it up and who has the energy for that!!??” Okay, I had forgotten about that one, and it went back into the jar. It made me smile. Not every day is perfect, but not every day is that bad. Over the years, I have discovered that I am way too hard on myself, and I need to give myself a break. So today, I need to go to lunch with a friend; that’s my first priority, so screw the stairs. The laundry can wait. By now, in this heat, It probably needs to be rewashed anyway!

Hangin’ on and still lookin’ at the bright side!