Category: Humor

The Muttley Crew Chronicles

Published on by Ann Marie Bryant2 Comments

Complaint:
The bowl was empty for nearly seven minutes. Emotional damages are obvious.

At approximately 4:42 p.m., the plaintiffs approached the food bowl and discovered a shocking lack of dinner.

Max immediately alerted the household by standing beside the bowl and staring at Mom with deep disappointment.

Mitzi joined the case by pacing dramatically and checking the bowl from several angles, just in case food had appeared while no one was looking.

Finally, Mitzi moved into action, flipping the bowl over to grab Mom’s attention.

The defense claims dinner was not technically late.

The plaintiffs disagree.

Seven minutes in dachshund time is equal to three years, two winters, and one abandoned hope.

Requested Settlement:
Immediate dinner, one apology treat, and a written promise that this injustice will never happen again.

Final Ruling:
The court finds in favor of Max and Mitzi.

Sentence: Mom must fill the bowl and provide compensation in the form of snacks.

Court is adjourned.

The Muttley Crew Chronicles

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Max and Mitzi’s Rules for Life
Tiny dog wisdom from the Muttley Crew

Rule #1: If Mom stands up, follow her. She may be going to the kitchen.

Rule #2: If Mom says, “I’ll be right back,” do not believe her. Escort her personally.

Rule #3: If a blanket exists, burrow under it. If Mom is using it, burrow harder.

Rule #4: If someone opens the refrigerator, report to duty immediately.

Rule #5: A treat broken in half is still one treat. We cannot stress this enough.

Rule #6: If Mom is trying to work, sit on her lap. She clearly needs supervision.

Rule #7: Bark first. Ask questions never.

Rule #8: If you hear a crinkle, assume it is snacks until proven otherwise.

Rule #9: The best seat in the house is wherever Mom was about to sit.

Rule #10: When life gets hard, find a blanket, demand cheese, and look tragically underfed.

Sincerely,
Max and Mitzi
Small dogs. Big feelings. Strong opinions.

The Muttley Crew Chronicles

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Things My Dogs Would Put on Yelp
Review by Max and Mitzi

The Vet’s Office
⭐️

Suspicious smells. Cold table. No snacks waiting at the door.

We entered with hope in our hearts and left with questions.

The staff was friendly, and one very nice lady did call Max handsome, so we are willing to add half a star in our hearts, but not on the official review.

Mitzi did enjoy the cuddles and personal attention. She found the soft voices comforting and appreciated being treated like the delicate queen she is.

However, we would like the record to show that we absolutely did not like the vaccines. Not even a little. We were brave, of course, but we would have preferred cheese, applause, and a formal written apology.

Max would also like it noted that certain procedures were highly unnecessary and deeply personal; he specifically did not like having his temperature taken.

Our biggest complaint: everyone kept saying, “You’re doing so good,” but no one followed that statement with a cheeseburger.

Final rating: One star. Would not recommend, unless you enjoy being weighed, inspected, complimented, vaccinated, and betrayed in the same building.

Sincerely,
Max and Mitzi
Small dogs. Big feelings. Strong opinions.

The Muttley Crew Chronicles

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The Great Squirrel Watch
A Neighborhood Surveillance Report from Max and Mitzi

At approximately 9:04 a.m., the suspect entered the yard without permission.

The suspect was small, twitchy, fluffy-tailed, and entirely too confident.

Max spotted the intruder first and immediately sounded the alarm. Mitzi joined seconds later with backup vocals and emotional intensity. Together, we barked heroically from the window, protecting the household from what was clearly a serious security breach.

Mom called it “too much.”

We call it service.

The suspect fled across the fence, paused dramatically, and then had the nerve to look back at us. This behavior has been documented and will be added to the official squirrel file.

Current status: yard secure, household protected, treats requested for bravery.

This has been The Great Squirrel Watch, brought to you by Max and Mitzi, neighborhood security specialists.

Conversations With Teddy

Published on by Ann Marie Bryant4 Comments

The Muttley Crew Chronicles

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We recently visited Big R, a magical place where the aisles smell like adventure, snacks, and things we are not allowed to chew.

The toy selection was impressive. There were ropes, squeaky things, fluffy things, and several items we believe were placed at nose level specifically for us.

The treat aisle was the true highlight. We conducted a full inspection using approved dachshund methods: sniffing, staring, tail wagging, and attempting to look deeply neglected.

Mom said, “You don’t need another toy.”

We respectfully disagree.

Our only complaint: too many treats were left on the shelves instead of being placed directly into Mom’s cart.

Final rating: Five paws up. Would gladly return with a larger shopping cart and fewer human restrictions.

Sincerely,
Max and Mitzi
Small dogs. Big feelings. Strong opinions.

Conversations With Teddy

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The Muttley Crew Chronicles

Published on by Ann Marie BryantLeave a comment

The Treat Jar Investigation
An official Muttley Crew Report

After careful sniffing, staring, and one dramatic sigh, we have concluded that the treat jar is being unfairly withheld from the public.

Mom has been named a person of interest.

At approximately 9:03 this morning, Mom walked past the treat jar without opening it. This suspicious behavior was witnessed by both Max and Mitzi, who immediately launched an investigation.

Evidence collected includes:

The jar was clearly visible.
The lid was closed.
No treats were distributed.
Mom claimed, “You just had one.”
This statement could not be confirmed by independent dachshund sources.

Max performed a full inspection of the kitchen floor, while Mitzi conducted emotional surveillance from the couch. Both investigators agree that the situation is serious.

The Muttley Crew is now demanding answers, justice, and at least one small snack while the investigation continues.

Breaking news will resume as soon as Mom wanders within treat-jar distance.

Conversations With Teddy

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